Tears for a woman I've never met in real life and for another I'll never meet in this life
2004-05-09, 8:36 p.m.

The Internet is a weird thing. Online journals are a weird thing. The reader has an intimate look into the life of someone they've maybe never met and it can affect them in ways they wouldn't think it would.

Every so often, I find myself thinking about someone whose journal I read. I hear something that reminds me of them or I read a book they've recommended or something like that.

Hothead was the one on my mind today.

I'm a chaplain at my church. Basically, we're volunteers who pray with/for congregants who request it. Each Sunday, there are two of us available for this. Today was my day.

I came to find spirit later in my life. No, no, that's not true. I had a close connection to God when I was a child and a teenager but I let go of it when I came out and a priest told me I was going ot burn in hell. But that's another story. I came back to it about 5 years ago. It's still kind of thrilling to me how spirit can move me. At Unity, in the sanctuary, I cry alot. I'm surprised by the things that move me.

Today is, of course, Mother's Day. One of our congregants, who I never knew had such an amazing voice, sang with her daughter, who also has an amazing voice. Not amazing in the way Maria Callas is amazing or Denyce Williams, but soulful and gutwrenching.

They sang "In My Daughter's Eyes" which was recorded by Martina McBride. She's a country singer and I'm not a country fan so I was quite surprised by my reaction to their singing it.

I thought of hothead and her pain at losing her mother. And though I don't know her mother or their relationship, I felt sure that if Mrs. Hothead were able to sing to Hothead today, this is the song she'd choose. But not the woman Mrs. Hothead was when she was alive and with us, but who she is now, where she is now.

All I could think of was hothead and Mrs. hothead.

I cried. I don't mean that I cried quiet tears that could be dabbed away with the edge of a Kleenex. I cried fully, from my heart, from my center, for a woman I don't know in real life and a woman I'll now never meet in this life.

So, hothead, if you're reading, I felt your mother's love today. And I think I felt yours. I don't know if you're a praying sort of girl or not, but I'll be keeping you in mine.